CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time,
get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug, shag is good.
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs
and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened, it is not necessary to use
it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and
think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold
weather, rain, snow and mosquito season.
Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If
you can arrange to have Friskies Fish'N Glop on your breath so much the better.
For sitting on laps or rubbing against trousers, select fabric color which
contrasts well with your fur. For example: white-furred cats go to black wool
For the guest who claims, "I love kitties", be ready with aloof
disdain; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.
When walking among dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and
hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, "But you allow me on the table
when company isn't here".
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything.
Just sit and stare.
If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the
busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering. Following are
the rules for hampering:
When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot
be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and
For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human's eyes and the
book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
For knitting projects, curl up quietly onto the lap of the knitter and pretend
to doze. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles sharply. This can
cause dropped stitches or split yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a
scrap ball of yarn. Ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work.
It is important. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for playing
catch mouse or king-o-the-hill on their bed between 2 and
Begin people training early. You will have a smooth-running household. Humans
need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are